Being Present

I'm a planner. I plan every meal, everyday. I plan weekends. I plan vacations and mini getaways. I plan how to teach my daughter to read. What school she will go to, how to help her get over her first broken heart. I plan charity events big and small I plan. In my life there is always a daily to do list. There is always people to call laundry to do and e-mails to catch up on. All that coupled with maintaining a marriage, getting A's in school and trying to be a good mom is a recipe for 'perfection' disaster. Things will fall through the cracks.

Today I had a lot to do. The kitchen was dirty, laundry was crawling to the washer I needed to write a paper, the to do list was mounting. T was having a rough day. I'm pretty sure she is teething and headed for a growth spurt. She wanted to be nowhere but in my arms sleeping. I started to get frustrated when I looked down at my sleeping baby and stopped. I just stopped. She is still so small in my arms. Her little chest was rising and falling rhythmically. Beautifully. Her prefect skin falling into dimples when she smiled in her sleep. For 4 hours I watched T as she slept. I made the decision to be present with her a long time ago but in those moments today I couldn't have loved her more.

I know I am going to blink and T will be 5. I'll turn my head and she'll be 17. Before I know it, I will be dancing at her wedding. These times of my baby sleeping in my arms are just fleeting moments. They will not last forever. As much as it makes me sad (and brings tears to my eyes) I know that I have these moments for now. And I plan to enjoy every single one of them.

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

I’m pretty sure this is the longest I have kept any resolu…..I mean goal! Here is the rundown:

Rock Star Mommy is going awesome! We have tummy, play and reading time every day. We haven’t missed one yet. T is really loving “Where the Wild Things Are” but still hating tummy time. She is getting really close to rolling over though! That will be such a happy/sad day! My baby is growing up! I have gotten in the habit of pretty much stopping what I’m doing when she is alert and wants to play. Laughing, cooing, playing… it’s all amazing with her!

Rock Star Wifey is also going well. We have been talking a lot more about random things, the future and have really been talking about where we see our family going. It’s amazing to sit down and really plan the future together. Being on the same page with D helps me sleep at night! As for money, as usual it’s tight but we are managing and really changing our attitudes. No more daily Starbucks runs (ok that I think we are both a bit sad about!)

Rock Star Woman….not going too well. School started and I cried all the way to class. Then 3/4s of the way through it I got a call to go home because T was having her first ever melt down. As Murphy’s law would have it, by the time I got home she was fine! But it still scared me enough to never want to leave her again. And except for a Target run while she was sleeping, I haven’t! I am down 3 more lbs though….well… after that brownie peanut butter delight from said Target run that may no longer be the case!

Rock Star House is kicking butt! I have planned and executed every single meal since January 1st! I know that’s only 11 days but still! I do every single meal. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all accounted for in my shopping list and it has been great. Cooking has been going really well. The first week I made macaroons as my new recipe. This week it was oatmeal chocolate chip cookies…. Ok so I know I said meals but I love baking and I love sugar right now so desserts count as a meal! I am starting to plan out the re-do of my laundry ‘room’ (it’s a closet but it will soon be a very organized, pretty closet!) And after a trip to Costco with my mom sister, nephew and T, my pantry is looking good!
I’ve been having my good days and bad days but honestly, I’m loving my life right now!