Being Present

I'm a planner. I plan every meal, everyday. I plan weekends. I plan vacations and mini getaways. I plan how to teach my daughter to read. What school she will go to, how to help her get over her first broken heart. I plan charity events big and small I plan. In my life there is always a daily to do list. There is always people to call laundry to do and e-mails to catch up on. All that coupled with maintaining a marriage, getting A's in school and trying to be a good mom is a recipe for 'perfection' disaster. Things will fall through the cracks.

Today I had a lot to do. The kitchen was dirty, laundry was crawling to the washer I needed to write a paper, the to do list was mounting. T was having a rough day. I'm pretty sure she is teething and headed for a growth spurt. She wanted to be nowhere but in my arms sleeping. I started to get frustrated when I looked down at my sleeping baby and stopped. I just stopped. She is still so small in my arms. Her little chest was rising and falling rhythmically. Beautifully. Her prefect skin falling into dimples when she smiled in her sleep. For 4 hours I watched T as she slept. I made the decision to be present with her a long time ago but in those moments today I couldn't have loved her more.

I know I am going to blink and T will be 5. I'll turn my head and she'll be 17. Before I know it, I will be dancing at her wedding. These times of my baby sleeping in my arms are just fleeting moments. They will not last forever. As much as it makes me sad (and brings tears to my eyes) I know that I have these moments for now. And I plan to enjoy every single one of them.

Song for a Fifth Child.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.