"No" is a word I'm not very good at. I have to admit I'm a bit of a glutton. I shop when I'm broke. I eat when I'm on a diet. I would pick 5 hours of reality TV over a documentary any day. If I say "I'm not going to to...." within 15 minutes I'm doing it.
So when faced with the challenge of cutting out a large portion of food from my diet to accommodate T's food allergies, "no" became an hourly occurrence. No diary. No soy. No bread. No chocolate. No fast food. No pizza (that one almost killed me). No chips. No butter. No more eating at parties, or at restaurants. No to almost my entire diet.
I have been dairy/soy free now for 3 months. Besides 2 indiscretions while on vacation, I have learned the art of saying "no" to myself. This transformation has not been easy! In the beginning I would literally throw a tantrum. Both in my head and out my mouth. Like a child, after a while I learned how to control the anger that comes with being told you can't have something. When it happens 15 times a day one learns rather quickly. Now, when I'm really hungry, and dying for chocolate, and a grilled cheese with a slice of supreme pizza on top I have learned to just take a breath and say "No. You can't have it because if you do, you are hurting your daughter." It stops me dead in my tracks every time. Seeing her in pain or finding blood in her diaper is more than my new mom heart can bare. It's like the universe took the most dramatic route it could to teach me self control!
More and more I'm finding it easier to say "no" in other areas as well. I can decline invites easier. I can say "no" to cleaning the kitchen and opting to play peek-a-boo with T instead. I now can actually say "no" to watching TV (my second biggest vice behind food) and read a book instead! I've spent my whole life trying to learn how to live within viable, acceptable life parameters and it took a food allergy to teach me how! But the most beautiful thing about this situation is learning to say yes. Life is becoming more about what I'm saying "yes" to instead of what I'm limiting in my life. Sure "no" comes in handy when I want the entire bag of marshmallows but I'm learning to now focus saying yes to the watermelon!
I'm really hoping that once this diet is over I stick with my new traditions. Not just my new love for almond milk and vegan salads, but I hope to keep the balance of being able to tell myself "no" while keeping the focus on the good choices! (Let's hope the good choice is covered in chocolate!)
