I'm a planner. I plan every meal, everyday. I plan weekends. I plan vacations and mini getaways. I plan how to teach my daughter to read. What school she will go to, how to help her get over her first broken heart. I plan charity events big and small I plan. In my life there is always a daily to do list. There is always people to call laundry to do and e-mails to catch up on. All that coupled with maintaining a marriage, getting A's in school and trying to be a good mom is a recipe for 'perfection' disaster. Things will fall through the cracks.
Today I had a lot to do. The kitchen was dirty, laundry was crawling to the washer I needed to write a paper, the to do list was mounting. T was having a rough day. I'm pretty sure she is teething and headed for a growth spurt. She wanted to be nowhere but in my arms sleeping. I started to get frustrated when I looked down at my sleeping baby and stopped. I just stopped. She is still so small in my arms. Her little chest was rising and falling rhythmically. Beautifully. Her prefect skin falling into dimples when she smiled in her sleep. For 4 hours I watched T as she slept. I made the decision to be present with her a long time ago but in those moments today I couldn't have loved her more.
I know I am going to blink and T will be 5. I'll turn my head and she'll be 17. Before I know it, I will be dancing at her wedding. These times of my baby sleeping in my arms are just fleeting moments. They will not last forever. As much as it makes me sad (and brings tears to my eyes) I know that I have these moments for now. And I plan to enjoy every single one of them.
Song for a Fifth Child.
Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.
The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Parenting in Hiding
When I first got pregnant I had a plan. I had watched all of my family and friends with their babies and I just knew what was going to work for me. I had long discussions about the appropriate amount of time to breast feed, whether or not BPA free was really worth the extra money. I learned all the best advice on how to get babies to take great naps and more importantly how to get them to sleep through the night. I was told what to do and what not to do. And more often than not, I agreed with people even when I knew I would be different. This should have been my first clue that I would end up where I am at today.
I was unemployed in the months leading up to T’s birth. This gave me A LOT of time to read and research what I thought would be best for my family. For starters, she was going to sleep with us. No one in my life agreed with this. Some said it, some didn’t, but I know everyone thought the same thing. That we would sleep much better if she was in her own room and so would she. We tried it, she hated it, so did we, she will be with us until the summer (in her crib, in our rom). It works for us. And I don’t tell anyone. Although I felt supported about my decision to breastfeed, at the first sign of trouble all I heard was ‘pump and give her a bottle’. That is the last thing you should do when you’re trying to teach a newborn to latch. Finally after 6 exhausting, painful weeks we got the hang of it. I was so proud that I had stuck with it and not given up, then I started getting the ‘when are you thinking about stopping?’. It will be a while I promise, but I don’t say that. “You vaccinated?” Yep. “You honestly use bumpers?” I do. Short simple answers with no explanation.
I could easily blame myself for not defending our decisions as parents and in the beginning I did. But as time has gone on, I have gotten sick of the looks, the slight eye rolls and the constant need to defend myself. I don’t talk about what we have chosen for T anymore. That I will breastfeed until she weans. That she will NEVER cry it out. I vaccinated because watching a child go through whooping cough is horrid. I baby carry because we both love it. I meet every one of her needs, on HER time and will do so until she is old enough to understand to wait. I will make my own baby food. I understand that it takes time, but for me, for her, it’s worth it. I do realize how crunchy and granola yet mainstream I am but it’s what works for us.
This is why I say I parent in hiding. It’s easier to just say nothing, or to just agree than to try and explain my decisions. D feels the same way. We have made these decisions together and he trusts my research but most of all my instincts. Out of all the things I thought would surprise me as a new mom, this one stunned me the most. The lack of support we give each other as women and moms is astounding. The guilt we feel at times is overwhelming. I don’t let myself get depressed about this because that isn’t what it’s about. It’s about T and doing what is right for her. I know I am not the only mom that feels this way but we are quite to avoid the drama. It can get lonely not being able to talk about my life style, but I’m not going to change to fit what people think I should do. T is a very healthy, VERY happy baby, and that is all that matters!
I was unemployed in the months leading up to T’s birth. This gave me A LOT of time to read and research what I thought would be best for my family. For starters, she was going to sleep with us. No one in my life agreed with this. Some said it, some didn’t, but I know everyone thought the same thing. That we would sleep much better if she was in her own room and so would she. We tried it, she hated it, so did we, she will be with us until the summer (in her crib, in our rom). It works for us. And I don’t tell anyone. Although I felt supported about my decision to breastfeed, at the first sign of trouble all I heard was ‘pump and give her a bottle’. That is the last thing you should do when you’re trying to teach a newborn to latch. Finally after 6 exhausting, painful weeks we got the hang of it. I was so proud that I had stuck with it and not given up, then I started getting the ‘when are you thinking about stopping?’. It will be a while I promise, but I don’t say that. “You vaccinated?” Yep. “You honestly use bumpers?” I do. Short simple answers with no explanation.
I could easily blame myself for not defending our decisions as parents and in the beginning I did. But as time has gone on, I have gotten sick of the looks, the slight eye rolls and the constant need to defend myself. I don’t talk about what we have chosen for T anymore. That I will breastfeed until she weans. That she will NEVER cry it out. I vaccinated because watching a child go through whooping cough is horrid. I baby carry because we both love it. I meet every one of her needs, on HER time and will do so until she is old enough to understand to wait. I will make my own baby food. I understand that it takes time, but for me, for her, it’s worth it. I do realize how crunchy and granola yet mainstream I am but it’s what works for us.
This is why I say I parent in hiding. It’s easier to just say nothing, or to just agree than to try and explain my decisions. D feels the same way. We have made these decisions together and he trusts my research but most of all my instincts. Out of all the things I thought would surprise me as a new mom, this one stunned me the most. The lack of support we give each other as women and moms is astounding. The guilt we feel at times is overwhelming. I don’t let myself get depressed about this because that isn’t what it’s about. It’s about T and doing what is right for her. I know I am not the only mom that feels this way but we are quite to avoid the drama. It can get lonely not being able to talk about my life style, but I’m not going to change to fit what people think I should do. T is a very healthy, VERY happy baby, and that is all that matters!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
An Intro to T
Turkey burgers for dinner
Play, reading and tummy time all check!
Really not feeling like cleaning today.
I need to start by saying that I had no idea that D and I could create something so amazing. Baby T is the absolute best thing I have ever been a part of and being her mom is my greatest honor.
T came about 2 years after we decided to have a baby. I had been sick for around 6 months and went to get checked out before we started trying. After seeing many doctors and specialist I was diagnosed with mono. I know... the best health care in the world and 5 docs overlooked the obvious. I was officially diagnosed the day Obama accepted the nomination for the presidency (We were there!). It was wonderful to finally know what was wrong, it was horrible because we had to wait a year to even start trying. Long story short it was a very long year and a month after getting the all clear we were pregnant.
From the very beginning T was a happy baby. She had the strongest heart beat, loved to kick and had the hiccups at least once a day. I loved being pregnant. I was sick a lot with sinus infections, colds, migraines but T was always fine. Beautiful infact. We found out T was a girl in June with D's brother was in town. I had never pictured myself with anything but a girl and both D and I were over the moon at the ultrasound. We also found out she was big! I was 2 weeks late when I went in for a full induction and after an easy (I do mean that by the way. Labor is totally do-able) 12 hours of labor at 11:26pm T came into this world. And she was the most perfect thing I had ever seen.
Since the first time I held her my heart expanded exponentially. I fell so in love so fast it honestly hurt. She was (and is) so beautiful. For 3 days I didn't take my eyes off of her. She had to get her hearing checked the day after she was born and the nurse offered to take her for an hour so we could get some sleep. It lasted 30 minutes. I couldn't be without her. And it's still true today. I adore D. He is the most amazing man I have ever met and I love him so much... but I love T more. And he feels the same. I just had no idea I could ever love someone so much.
As of today T is 10 weeks and 2 days old. Time flies when you're madly in love. She holds her head up perfectly. Weighs 14lbs, is 24 inches and above 95% in milestones. But none of that matters to us. She smiles when daddy comes home from work. She nurses like a champ. She loves to stand already (we obviously hold her) and coos like crazy with mom all day. She loves books, Where the Wild Things Are is her current favorite. She likes to sit and watch TV (one thing I swore I would never do, but oh well!) and LOVES football. I could watch her sleep for hours. She only cries (I use this term lightly, its more of a fuss) when she's hungry and sleeps 4-5 hours at a time. She is starting to give baby kisses and had her first laugh at mom last week. She sits like a queen in her bumbo and sleeps like an angel in her swing. I love playing and talking and singing with her. She holds my attention and heart all the time.
I am excited to be blogging about my time with her. She changes so much from week to week it is so literally awesome. To know her is not just to love her but to adore the ground she plays on!
Play, reading and tummy time all check!
Really not feeling like cleaning today.
I need to start by saying that I had no idea that D and I could create something so amazing. Baby T is the absolute best thing I have ever been a part of and being her mom is my greatest honor.
T came about 2 years after we decided to have a baby. I had been sick for around 6 months and went to get checked out before we started trying. After seeing many doctors and specialist I was diagnosed with mono. I know... the best health care in the world and 5 docs overlooked the obvious. I was officially diagnosed the day Obama accepted the nomination for the presidency (We were there!). It was wonderful to finally know what was wrong, it was horrible because we had to wait a year to even start trying. Long story short it was a very long year and a month after getting the all clear we were pregnant.
From the very beginning T was a happy baby. She had the strongest heart beat, loved to kick and had the hiccups at least once a day. I loved being pregnant. I was sick a lot with sinus infections, colds, migraines but T was always fine. Beautiful infact. We found out T was a girl in June with D's brother was in town. I had never pictured myself with anything but a girl and both D and I were over the moon at the ultrasound. We also found out she was big! I was 2 weeks late when I went in for a full induction and after an easy (I do mean that by the way. Labor is totally do-able) 12 hours of labor at 11:26pm T came into this world. And she was the most perfect thing I had ever seen.
Since the first time I held her my heart expanded exponentially. I fell so in love so fast it honestly hurt. She was (and is) so beautiful. For 3 days I didn't take my eyes off of her. She had to get her hearing checked the day after she was born and the nurse offered to take her for an hour so we could get some sleep. It lasted 30 minutes. I couldn't be without her. And it's still true today. I adore D. He is the most amazing man I have ever met and I love him so much... but I love T more. And he feels the same. I just had no idea I could ever love someone so much.
As of today T is 10 weeks and 2 days old. Time flies when you're madly in love. She holds her head up perfectly. Weighs 14lbs, is 24 inches and above 95% in milestones. But none of that matters to us. She smiles when daddy comes home from work. She nurses like a champ. She loves to stand already (we obviously hold her) and coos like crazy with mom all day. She loves books, Where the Wild Things Are is her current favorite. She likes to sit and watch TV (one thing I swore I would never do, but oh well!) and LOVES football. I could watch her sleep for hours. She only cries (I use this term lightly, its more of a fuss) when she's hungry and sleeps 4-5 hours at a time. She is starting to give baby kisses and had her first laugh at mom last week. She sits like a queen in her bumbo and sleeps like an angel in her swing. I love playing and talking and singing with her. She holds my attention and heart all the time.
I am excited to be blogging about my time with her. She changes so much from week to week it is so literally awesome. To know her is not just to love her but to adore the ground she plays on!
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