When I first got pregnant I started a journal to my baby. I wanted it to know that it was incredibly loved and adored. I wanted my baby to know what my pregnancy was like. Things like what I was feeling, my anxiety and my sheer joy. When I found out T was a girl, I was ecstatic. I wrote for at least 5 pages on my sheer excitement of having the honor of raising a girl. I wrote what I felt. I didn't care about spelling, grammar or subject, I just wrote my heart.
I like to go back and read these journals. I can go back to the exact moment I wrote them. I can feel exactly what I felt. Most of them are about love. There is adoration spewing over every page. There are times when I will remember the light that shot through my soul when I first saw her. Or the time she slept on my chest as I watched the first snowfall after she was born. I listened to her soft breaths for hours. It's a good reminder of how far we have come.
My plan for these journals are slowly changing. I now write about what I want her to know. Things like self esteem, how to love herself and the importance of education. I've recently started writing about my fear of letting her down as a mom. I love T so much. More than I ever thought I could love anything. It's so important for her to know that. I hope my letters to her will always be a perfect reminder.
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