Being a parent can be so frustrating. It can be so amazing, so beautiful and rewarding. Then there are nights like tonight where I feel like an epic failure.

T has never been on a schedule. Ever. She is an easy going baby. But no matter what we have done, she just hasn't fallen into a schedule. When talking to other moms, I hear a lot of 'she shouldn't sleep with you. You shouldn't breast feed at night. She knows shes in bed with you and that's why she wont sleep.' (she would be awake in a crib. She doesn't know sleeping in bed with us is 'wrong' shes a baby). It's hard because we have tried everything, and nothing has worked.

Tonight, T fell asleep nursing at 8. Unfortunately she woke up at 9. We don't let her cry it out. So we got up with her. Well, D got up with her. I cried. So frustrated with the fact that I have my, well our, first day of work tomorrow at 8 am and the chances of her falling asleep before 2am is highly unlikely. And I'm tired. And D is going to see a movie and I'm just.... sad. Sad because this isn't how I pictured it. I thought I would get her in a routine. I thought she would sleep. I thought she would love a schedule as much as I do. But it just isn't happening.

I know this feeling isn't new to parents. I know I'm not alone. It just feels like it right now. Oh well. Time to suck it up, go play with Tilly and just drink obscene amounts of coffee tomorrow.