No! But really Yes!

"No" is a word I'm not very good at. I have to admit I'm a bit of a glutton. I shop when I'm broke. I eat when I'm on a diet. I would pick 5 hours of reality TV over a documentary any day. If I say "I'm not going to to...." within 15 minutes I'm doing it.

So when faced with the challenge of cutting out a large portion of food from my diet to accommodate T's food allergies, "no" became an hourly occurrence. No diary. No soy. No bread. No chocolate. No fast food. No pizza (that one almost killed me). No chips. No butter. No more eating at parties, or at restaurants. No to almost my entire diet.

I have been dairy/soy free now for 3 months. Besides 2 indiscretions while on vacation, I have learned the art of saying "no" to myself. This transformation has not been easy! In the beginning I would literally throw a tantrum. Both in my head and out my mouth. Like a child, after a while I learned how to control the anger that comes with being told you can't have something. When it happens 15 times a day one learns rather quickly. Now, when I'm really hungry, and dying for chocolate, and a grilled cheese with a slice of supreme pizza on top I have learned to just take a breath and say "No. You can't have it because if you do, you are hurting your daughter." It stops me dead in my tracks every time. Seeing her in pain or finding blood in her diaper is more than my new mom heart can bare. It's like the universe took the most dramatic route it could to teach me self control!

More and more I'm finding it easier to say "no" in other areas as well. I can decline invites easier. I can say "no" to cleaning the kitchen and opting to play peek-a-boo with T instead. I now can actually say "no" to watching TV (my second biggest vice behind food) and read a book instead! I've spent my whole life trying to learn how to live within viable, acceptable life parameters and it took a food allergy to teach me how! But the most beautiful thing about this situation is learning to say yes. Life is becoming more about what I'm saying "yes" to instead of what I'm limiting in my life. Sure "no" comes in handy when I want the entire bag of marshmallows but I'm learning to now focus saying yes to the watermelon!

I'm really hoping that once this diet is over I stick with my new traditions. Not just my new love for almond milk and vegan salads, but I hope to keep the balance of being able to tell myself "no" while keeping the focus on the good choices! (Let's hope the good choice is covered in chocolate!)

I'm baaaaaack! With an update!

First I’ll start with the 4x4 goals and I have done surprisingly well!
Being a connected mommy has been hard but the most rewarding think I have done. I can gladly say that I have accomplished everything I have set out to do. T is now a beautiful, smart, funny, laughing, rolling, solids eating, still breast feeding baby girl! She amazes me every day. I fall more and more in love with her every day, it is honestly awesome. I’m not kidding when I say that she is an absolute joy… every single day.

As for being a better wife….. that one is tough. Managing money together is easy because we never have any! However, we now have savings which we have had little of in the past! I listen to NPR at least an hour a day so I have something to talk about, but there is a lot to talk about lately in life so we are actually never out of topics. As for having fun… IT’S HARD! I’m wiped at the end of my day and so is D for that matter. The stress levels have been upped in our family recently so fun is a fluid concept between D and I. However, we LOVE our weekends with T. Art museums, the Zoo, malls, the pool, you name it we do it as a family and that give us the most amazing sense of joy and calm in our world full of chaos.

Becoming a rockstar has been a BLAST! I did graduate in May. The best moment was walking across the stage, knowing that T was watching. I know she won’t remember, but long before she was even a glimmer in my eye, I was in school for her. And now I’m done and when the time is right, I will go back to work as a rockstar social worker! I actually have lost 15lbs not because of a diet for me, but because of one for T. At 6 months T was diagnosed with the D protein allergy meaning no dairy, soy whey or casein for mom! Since soy is literally in everything, I dropped the weight rather quickly, but that’s for another blog! I never did get those 3 nights to study with my camera, but I have been working really hard to learn. I have over 3500 pictures of T. Nough said! As for reading more, I read A LOT of parenting books! A LOT of parenting books.

On the domestic goddess front I’m 2 and 2. I have actually meal planned every meal for months now! I do cook a new meal once a week if not more. However keeping a house organized is no longer on my to do list because it’s NOT gonna happen! Most days, at some point, it looks like Babies R Us puked in my living room! And stock piling isn’t on my mind because it isn’t winter anymore.

Now that I’m not in school and T is on a (somewhat!) schedule I have more time. Who needs to clean and do laundry when there are blogs to write!

I’m pretty sure this is the longest I have kept any resolu…..I mean goal! Here is the rundown:

Rock Star Mommy is going awesome! We have tummy, play and reading time every day. We haven’t missed one yet. T is really loving “Where the Wild Things Are” but still hating tummy time. She is getting really close to rolling over though! That will be such a happy/sad day! My baby is growing up! I have gotten in the habit of pretty much stopping what I’m doing when she is alert and wants to play. Laughing, cooing, playing… it’s all amazing with her!

Rock Star Wifey is also going well. We have been talking a lot more about random things, the future and have really been talking about where we see our family going. It’s amazing to sit down and really plan the future together. Being on the same page with D helps me sleep at night! As for money, as usual it’s tight but we are managing and really changing our attitudes. No more daily Starbucks runs (ok that I think we are both a bit sad about!)

Rock Star Woman….not going too well. School started and I cried all the way to class. Then 3/4s of the way through it I got a call to go home because T was having her first ever melt down. As Murphy’s law would have it, by the time I got home she was fine! But it still scared me enough to never want to leave her again. And except for a Target run while she was sleeping, I haven’t! I am down 3 more lbs though….well… after that brownie peanut butter delight from said Target run that may no longer be the case!

Rock Star House is kicking butt! I have planned and executed every single meal since January 1st! I know that’s only 11 days but still! I do every single meal. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all accounted for in my shopping list and it has been great. Cooking has been going really well. The first week I made macaroons as my new recipe. This week it was oatmeal chocolate chip cookies…. Ok so I know I said meals but I love baking and I love sugar right now so desserts count as a meal! I am starting to plan out the re-do of my laundry ‘room’ (it’s a closet but it will soon be a very organized, pretty closet!) And after a trip to Costco with my mom sister, nephew and T, my pantry is looking good!
I’ve been having my good days and bad days but honestly, I’m loving my life right now!